packing

More dormitories...
I was due to leave where I had been staying: a dormitory containing at least thirty beds. My bed was next to my friend C's bed. I had to pack my bag as I was to travel to another place, further south. I was excited as this place had an amazing view of the mountains and the setting sun. I knew that I would relish in its beauty and relax. I felt unsure of what to pack and then I remembered that I had written a list. I checked the list which contained the usual things: clothing, toiletries, books and such. Among the items listed, however, I had also included 'guidance' and 'moon'. There was also a reminder to contact a woman from a film organisation.

dormitory beds

It was late at night and time for bed. I was one of a group of people who were swapping places with another group: we were going into their dormitory to sleep and they were leaving, presumably to take over the role we had been occupying. One woman rushed ahead and secured the only unused mattress. She settled as the rest of us tried to find a bed. I decided upon the bed of a youngish Indigenous woman; we smiled politely at one another as she left. The bed was covered in clean if threadbare sheets and had a warm quilt and a soft pillow. It was the only bed in the dormitory that looked cared for. I slipped into the bed to sleep.

voyage

I was far away, over vast seas and land masses, so far from here that I seemed to be on the other side of the world, perhaps even in a different era. I had the feeling of crossing huge distances, travelling night and day for a very long time. I can recall the slap of ice blue oceans and the flame orange heat of sandy deserts. I seemed neither to be flying above the earth or passing upon it, rather, I was both in it and separate from it, at one time being the soil and the water, and at another time slipping through a hole like a portal in the water, finding myself in another time, on another part of the planet. There was nothing civilised or industrial about this world. Everything was pristine and wild. I recall other creatures but they were nebulous of form: one moment shark-like, the next a more mammalian form. I seem to remember the sound of horse hooves drumming across stone. Great walls of azure blue water, glittering glaciers making snail slow voyages through the sea, then to the deep shining golds and ochre of ancient towering cliffs, and the unfathomable emptiness of stretching plains.

between two places

I was sitting on the grass outside a large community hall. The area reminded me of the campsites of my youth, complete with dormitories and meeting places. Small groups of people were playing games on the grass: games of frisbee, games involving balls and sticks, chasing games, competitive games, and more. Some were simply running around the playing field space. Everyone was active and had something definite to do. I looked around, not sure about joining any of the activities. I felt too old to challenge any of the young ones to a running race; I knew it would be fruitless. I wanted to be able to leap around, to stretch my body and use my muscles, but I saw the energy and strength of the teenagers who were jumping about and felt daunted. I considered going for a walk through the nearby bush reserve but I was concerned about walking alone. I ventured over to where a giant canvas bag lay open on the ground. Out of it spilled the remaining balls, bats and sporting gear that wasn't in use. Behind me, I heard voices coming from inside the community hall, so I climbed the few stairs onto the verandah and went through the door, crossing from light to shade, from hot to cool. Inside were more groups of people but the average age was far greater. I could see elderly women having cups of tea and people of various ages engaging in conversation. I felt more comfortable inside although part of me still wanted to be active and adventurous; I wanted to stir the energy within. I sat with a few people and listened to their talk for a while, gradually easing into the conversation. A woman of about seventy lectured me about the virtues of marketing my business: she said that if people didn't recognise the name of a business that she owned, it would bring tears to her eyes. She was a proud and powerful woman and I liked her and knew I could learn from her. After our conversation, I went into the kitchen where I found my great grandmother making tea. I hugged her to me and she commented upon the lovely pale blue knitted top I was wearing; I reminded her that she had knitted it for me. Then my maternal grandmother, her youngest daughter, appeared beside her. I felt a rush of joy and sadness to see her again, my lovely Nanny. She too admired the top and I knew that it was her favourite colour and wondered if it was actually Nan that had knitted it. I was so pleased to see them but I also feared being judged for my life's choices.

haze

I was desperately sleepy and I wanted to go home to bed. I walked along the street where I knew I lived, but I couldn't recall which was my house. It was in the early hours of the morning around four. The light was hypnotic blue and people danced in and out of the doorways, spilling onto the street. I could see parties of people, celebrating inside the old buildings, windows illuminated gold and bodies moving to music that drifted out of the houses. Most of the buildings had two or three floors with rendered walls, painted cream. I walked, my head swimming in an almost narcotic haze, from one end of the street to the other, unable to find my home. This end of the road lead straight to the sea. I knew that if I could find my friend, C, I would remember where I lived. I called her name as I walked back up the street, away from the ocean. I saw my friend run out of one of the buildings and hail down a car. The car turned, pulled up beside her and she hopped in. I called again but I could see she hadn't heard me. Then the car drove up toward where I stood, waving, and I could see the smiling faces of C and her brother. I knew they would take me home.

hallway, flying and money

I could see my two good friends rehearsing a trick for a show. One friend drove her car along a narrow hallway whilst the other held onto a rope and floated along behind, pulled by the car. Toward the end of the hallway, my friend would let go of the rope and float across the hallway, from one side to the other, staying in the air for as long as possible, before she gradually came to rest on the floor. I watched this trick a few times and then I tried it with them. I stood in front of my friend so that we were both lifted off the ground as the car pulled us along and then, when we let go of the rope, we floated across the hallway, back and forth, until we came to rest on the floor. It was a feat of faith - if you believed you could fly, you could.
Later, I was running along another hallway, searching for the right door to go through so that I could find my car. It was night and I passed few people as I ran. I noticed art books on shelves lining the walls at the entrance of the hallway and then doors upon doors leading to other places. At the other end of the hallway, I found an old friend. She asked me to return a leaflet that she had loaned to me some time before. I started to search through my papers and books that appeared on shelves and desks, looking for the leaflet. I found old cheques, written out to me, that I had not cashed.

bird boy & the sea

I was sitting with a group of old men around a wooden table on a wharf. We watched as a small boy, perhaps two or three years old, wandered over to the wooden fence that bordered the wharf and peered into the ocean below. I thought out loud that I would have to rescue him if he jumped in the water and, sure enough, he slipped through the railing and plunged into the sea. I jumped up, ran the few feet to the fence, and leapt over using my hands on the fence to catapult me off the jetty and into the air. I dived into the water next to the boy who was sinking down into the depths. I grabbed him and swam up through the greenish, cloudy ocean toward the light at the water's surface. We saw two grey nurse sharks circling below us - a mother and its child. I wanted the boy to see and acknowledge the sharks so that he wouldn't be so fast to jump into the ocean again. We surfaced and I pushed him back up the wooden ladder so that he could climb onto the wharf to safety. He turned into a small red, bottle green and white robin and flew away and then circled back, returning to the jetty and the group of old men, now a powerful eagle.

leech

I was terribly thirsty so I bent to drink from an outside tap. As I sipped the water, I worried that it might be contaminated or that creatures might live inside the pipes. I stood and a huge leech slipped out of the tap and bore straight into the flesh of my stomach. The leech was about the length of an average house brick and wormy pink, with a thin 'tail' at either end. Just before the leech fully disappeared inside me, I grabbed the tail between my fingers and pulled hard. I slowly dragged it out and then threw the leech as far away as I could throw it. It shot back across the ground and leapt into the air toward me. Again, I grabbed the leech as it attempted to burrow into my skin. This time, the leech changed shape as I held it tightly in my fingers: six or seven leech heads on stalks flowered out of one end and waved around, orange mouths gaping wide, filled with small sharp teeth. The leech tried to suck at my hand, drawing blood at one end and, while I tried to pull it off, the other end of the leech continued its attempts to burrow into my flesh. Suddenly the leech reverted to its former singular shape and shot across to a small child, boring into her body. Again, I grabbed the leech by the tail before it could disappear and pulled it out.

shoes in a secret room

I was inside a rambling old house of many levels, in a room on the second top floor. There were several people with me who had just returned from the top level where they had found some fantastic shoes that they said were free for the taking. I admired the shoes as they were so unusual and decided to venture up the winding stairs and corridors to the room with the shoes. I climbed the steep staircase and crept along the hall. The walls closed in the the hall became a narrow tunnel; I had to crawl along on my hands and knees as the corridor turned and curled. Onward I crawled, feeling uneasy as the space became tighter and tighter. FInally, I found myself in a bright room, filled with natural light. In the centre of the room was a pile of suitcases and shelves on which the most stylish and sensational shoes were displayed - vintage shoes, new boots, and designer shoes. I selected a few pairs but then became fully aware of my surroundings. I realised that this was someone's bedroom and that we were taking shoes that belonged to the absent occupant. I put the shoes back on the shelves and hurried back along the claustrophobic corridors so that I could tell the others and prevent them from taking what didn't belong to them.

falling & reflection

I was in an elevator with several other people. Instead of simply moving up and down between floors, the lift veered sideways, shooting left and right erratically. Finally, it hurtled down, rushing toward the ground. We were not sure if we were going to die. Just before hitting the ground, the elevator braked and we all emerged, shaken but unhurt.
Next, my good friend A and I were walking through a building toward the exit door, in the city of Newcastle. Outside, night was falling. The sky was the wonderful periwinkle blue of twilight. We were carrying folders and books under our arms and were dressed for business. I understood somehow that we were on the board for an organisation of interest and that we were also visiting Sydney. As we walked together to our meeting, we reflected on how twenty years earlier we had walked together through the streets of Sydney wearing our comfortable dancing clothes, carrying our books, when we were students together.

cleaning house & spider rescue

I was helping to clean our family home in preparation for visitors. Everything had obviously been neglected for some time. There were hessian sacks and sheets covering the floor. I pulled them up, revealing the floor beneath, and swept it clean. We weeded, polished, dusted and swept the entire space. Outside, I could see a beautiful courtyard that had brick paths bordering the area in a rectangular shape with a garden in the centre. I walked through the courtyard and climbed onto the roof of the open-walled shed at the back of the garden. I cleaned the roof and then thought I would climb back down by squeezing between the roof and the walls, so that I could collect some flowers for the house. As I was about to edge through the gap, I spied a large spider in its web just under the roof. I could see that it was idle but I felt a wave of anxiety rise within me. I decided to climb down the way I had climbed up but it had all changed. I couldn't find another way down and would have to wriggle through the gap next to the spider. I began to imagine how many more spiders there might be hiding under the shed roof amidst the foliage and my anxiety became unbearable. I lay down on the roof, my fingers feeling the cracks between the planks of wood and tried to call out. I could see my mother and father in the window back at the house. I called out again and again, trying to be heard, but my voice was just a whisper. Finally I managed some volume and both of my parents heard me. My father jumped out of the window and leapt through the air, crossing the entire courtyard without laying a foot on it, leaping an impossible distance onto the roof of the shed. I was amazed at the seemingly super-human power he had summoned in response to his daughter's distress.

strange family

I was visiting a family that lived in an outer suburb of Newcastle. The father had died only the day before but the family was faring reasonably well. The mother, an elderly woman, was short and quite rounded and she had the most prominent nose: a great curved beak jutting out from her face alarmingly. She wore a headscarf and a house apron tied around her waist. Although she welcomed me into her home, she preferred to keep her own company. She stayed in a room underneath the house, sitting on a reclining armchair pulled as close to the old television set as she could manage, and watched programs to block out the world. I spent some time with her children: an assortment of red-haired young women and dark-haired young men. They were all peculiarly old-fashioned, like people from another time. The girls wore spotted smock-like pinafores over white blouses and their skin was pale and freckled. We sat at a large dining table and proceeded to eat and talk. The oldest male stood and tapped his glass with a spoon, indicating that he had something to say and that we should all pay attention. I do not recall what he said but I noticed that he looked a lot like a man I knew when I was a teenager. I wondered how they were related or if this was indeed him. I left the house and felt grateful for my own family.

cherry, performing and old man

I dyed my hair a shade of cherry: deep pink brown with luscious berry streaks. I found two dark pinks lipsticks, quite different to shades I would choose in waking life, and thought that they would match nicely with my new hair colour. I tried the first lipstick but it crumbled in its case as it was so old. I threw it away. The second lipstick was creamy and moist. I applied it and felt satisfied.
Next, I was about to perform in a show; at times the show was in a theatre and at times it was in an outdoor auditorium space. I was ready to walk down the stairs into the audience, arriving from the rear of the theatre, when I bumped into a mentor of mine. I told her that I that I had not been singing in public for some years and I spoke of the nerves that choked me and of my desire to overcome them. She told me that, besides singing as the last act in the show, I would be acting in a short play earlier in the evening. I could not remember rehearsing the play and felt quite panicked, knowing that I had no idea about the lines or even the concept of the play itself. Nevertheless, I was prepared to perform and continued down the stairs into the audience where I would wait for my cue.
Next, I recall another show about to begin. I had been invited to see it but I had discovered that a particular performer was the lead in the show and I instantly lost interest. I crept into the filling auditorium to recover a few of my belongings that I had placed on a seat in the back row. Particularly, I was looking for my toothbrush so that I could brush my teeth. I left the theatre as quietly as possible.
Finally, B and I were walking through the main street of Maleny. It was very different to the street as it is in waking life, but I knew that I was in Maleny. We passed a busker who had a dangerous energy. He was of indefinite age although I could see that he probably looked a lot older than he was because of a rough and scarred life. He was wearing an old, worn flannelette shirt and ripped trousers, sported a beard, and we could smell him as we walked past. He reeked. B walked ahead of me and slipped into a vintage store, perhaps to lose the man who seemed to follow us up the street. By the time I reached the store, I walked in but couldn't see her. I felt sure that the man was following us and looked for somewhere to hide. For a moment, I was distracted by a cherry silk top hanging among the vintage clothing, but upon closer examination, it was covered in stains. I saw a changing room covered by an old curtain, so I pulled the curtain aside. B was in there, hiding, so I joined her and we both hid from the man. Sure enough, he followed us in and hunted for us amid the vintage wares. He soon spotted the changing room and walked over; we could smell him coming. He tugged at the curtain and we tried in vain to hold it fast. He opened it and stuck his head through, sneering at us. B managed to leave the store, waiting for me outside. She became another person entirely: a young, blonde woman. From inside the shop, I watched as the man went outside and embraced the young woman. She looked surprised, perhaps even repulsed, but she also swooned at his touch. She said that she had not felt such passion in an embrace for the longest time.

sloping floor

I was in a huge auditorium with shiny wooden floors and raked seating, enough to seat several thousand people. The floor sloped down toward the stage and the auditorium was empty apart from a woman I know and me. I was in there to collect something I had left behind. I searched the identical rows, looking for the seat where I had been sitting before the auditorium emptied. I located it and found the thing which I cannot now recall. I was preoccupied by the sloping floor that seemed to be steeper and more slippery than before. I called out a warning to my friend and stepped out of the row into the side aisle and, sure enough, I started to slide, to skate, rapidly down the floor, which was now a very steep hill, toward the flat brick wall under the raised stage. I rocketed down at an alarming speed and tried to prepare myself for impact. I thwacked into the wall but was unhurt. I could then see a few other people doing their best to negotiate the dangerously sloping floor as they shot toward the same brick wall.

old house and bad driving

I was living in a rambling old house with several others. There seemed to be a group of men and a group of women. The four women and I were sharing the large L-shaped lounge room and dining room, and the men slept elsewhere in the house, probably in the bedrooms. The women and I were doing our best to arrange the furniture and clean the space. Each of us had a queen sized bed, plus there were tables, a lounge suite, clothing, a television, shelves and rugs to consider. We moved my bed and the round dining table into the dining room space. I was quite happy as I had slightly more privacy than the others as well as the advantage of natural light; one wall was lined with windows. We arranged the other three beds at the far corners of the lounge room and placed the lounge suite in the centre of the room, both because it acted as a room divider and it was the best vantage point from where to view the television. Some of the narrow tables we placed on top of one another against the walls, opting for floor space over table surface space. We then scooped armfuls of clothing from the ground and did our best to organise our wardrobes. The only disadvantage of my 'bedroom' space was that it was so far away from where our clothes were to be kept, in the hall space just off the other end of the lounge room.
Next, I was driving home - home being the place described above. B was beside me and, although I was not driving fast, I suddenly had to stop to avoid hitting the car in front. I realised that I was driving a manual car and momentarily forgot how to drive it. I couldn't find the foot brake so I pulled on the handbrake, stopping the car only a hair space from the vehicle in front. The line of traffic inched forward, starting and stopping, but each time I accelerated I had great difficulty braking the car even though I was driving slowly. At one point I even put my hand through the windscreen and pushed the car in front of us away as we approached it, because otherwise we would have nudged it forward. We passed a police car on our right and I hoped they would not notice us. I wondered if I had been drinking because I was driving so erratically, but I couldn't remember having done so.